Chasing Crazy

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Right now there are three specific things that are making faces at me in the window of the car in front of me as I sit in traffic on the Southeast Expressway. One: the debt crisis. Two: Congressman David Wu. Three: an article by Julien Smith, "How to tell if you're doing your life's work." The first two get under my skin because my mom would have slapped my face, and I bet their mother's would too, if I behaved that way in public. The last is the one I could be my own on an island, I just didn't agree with the point of view.

Let's get the first two out of the way, they're linked. The debt crisis has not been about the constituents for several weeks now, its been political. That is wrong and sends a bad message to voters and our creditors. Compromise doesn't occur by telling the other side to compromise. Compromise occurs when you sit down at the table with your list and their list and compare notes. Compromise takes care of both sides, not your side. Here is a nice little four point plan by Tim Sanders if you'd like to read more on compromise.

Congressman David Wu will resign because he made an unwanted advance on a woman. However, he won't until the debt crisis is squared away. He isn't staying on because he's on the debt crisis management team. As Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News stated, "He will stay on because the Democrats need every vote possible." I feel like our representatives have made fools of us. I think they can fix it, but it will take time and perseverance and leadership and compromise. When and where will it come from?

The last bit of crazy. I plum didn't like the article by Julien Smith. His POV was in the opposite direction of mine, that's OK, but what put me over the edge was the folks that gushed about its truth and awesomeness. They must be mad. Read the article, leave a comment. I'm not going to go into it. I'll tell you my favorite anecdote instead. An assistant coach of mine from Nigeria told me this after I perpetrated crazy one day. I try to use this to keep me out of trouble. It didn't work today.

"My brother was away for a long time and finally came home to the village. We had a celebration. While everyone was dancing and eating, my brother notices one of the villagers chasing a chicken. Over the next days and weeks, my brother saw this man chasing the chicken from sun up to sun down. Finally he started asking around. He always got the same answer, 'I don't know, it's what he does all day, chases that chicken.' The answer didn't satisfy my brother, so he started to chase the man that was chasing the chicken to find out why.

Let me ask you. Who would you rather be? The man chasing the chicken, or the man chasing the man chasing the chicken?"

Perfection

If no one is perfect then we all must be.

My Trip to the Aquarium

We have a membership to the New England Aquarium, and had the opportunity to go to a member-exclusive event for the now open Trust Family Foundation Shark and Ray Touch Tank last night (April 20, 2011). Prior to heading in, the kids learned that we’d be going; they needed encouragement to complete their chores. If this remained a surprise, I wouldn’t have tweeted about it.

As we are walking up to the entrance, we are instructed to wait in the tent and check-in, but as we do so, someone is calling out a name. It sounded like a name I knew. I heard it again and it was mine.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“We got your tweet today, and I think it’s the first time we had one about an event. Have you checked in yet?” asked Jason as I learned later.
“No.”
“Well, check in then come up to the lobby.”

Neat. My family was getting special treatment. Before I could check in, I heard my name again and was escorted to the front of the line. We were the first family in, nothing more. We touched cownose rays (top) and saw bonnethead sharks (left), and a few other rays and sharks too. Then we had full access to the rest of the Aquarium.

On the drive home, my wife asked if we would have been so impressed if we had not received special treatment. I think the answer is yes. I always learn something new at the NEAQ because the staff and volunteers go out of their way to enhance your visit, but since the crowd was so small we had near exclusive access to them. We learned that Hogfish travel in a harem with a dominant male and female, and should the male die, the female will assume the role and change its sex. We learned from Andrew that a goose fish’s egg veil is about 60ft long and is related to the angler fish species.

On our second trip through the shark and ray tank we walked by the Amazing Jellies (right). We also made two trips to the always crowded Edge of the Sea Touch Tank. Since it was evening/night, the fishes were on their nocturnal schedule, so sometimes hidden, sleeping, quiet fish were moving about; we saw a Moray Eel lumber from one hideout to another atop the Giant Ocean Tank.

Thank you to the New England Aquarium for offering this free member-exclusive event. Thank you to Jason for pulling us out of line and making us feel special. Thank you to Andrew and the rest of the staff and volunteers that offered what they know.

Links are to the NEAQ Web site and affiliated NEAQ Web sites.

Penitent Man

Joseph of Thebes described three types of worshipful men.

1. One’s thankful when ill or tempted.
2. One’s thankful in pleasing God openly.
3. One’s thankful for the subjection of God’s will before their own desires.

A mere seventy words of reflection, and I paraphrased. I know all three of these people. I am them, and so are you. I’m number one on Saturday night and number two Sunday morning. Number three is transcendent. Is it attainable? That’s the hard part, because who can know God?

Number three is attainable when applying one’s trade. A teacher, a doctor, a businessman, and a person with good in their heart at all times may be described as such. Grace. Number two is a safe and good place. Leave God out it. Live life openly, won’t that keep you honest?

What is God’s subjection, especially if we haven’t met him? I would like to please God. As a child my gods included my parents. They told me that my actions were a reflection of them. Heavy for a five year old.

Think One and Think Two (a la Suess)

Think One:
It is my contention that with out Good or Evil, you do not have the other. If evil is vanquished, or otherwise disappears everything else is good and there for Is. I am Good, there for I am, or Evil for that matter.

Think Two:
Living perfect, sustainable, green, conscious of the environment is great and something to put effort in, but there is a cost. It may be inconvenient. It may be expensive. It may be good. I recommend doing it to the limit of your abilities. I think this is a search for perfection, therefore a futile and destructive effort on an individual, community or personal level. There is always a better or new way, and when it is discovered, it makes previous efforts detrimental or lacking in worth.

High Point Low Point

What was your high point for the day? What was your low point? It's a nice exercise. It commemorates a day. It creates a moment of reflection. The kids and I have a bedtime routine that continues to evolve. We no longer pray - regularly. After we do our readings I ask them a series of questions.

Do you want to say a prayer? No. No.

Do you want to be thankful? Yes. No. Then my daughter says she is thankful for her family.

Do you want me to say a prayer? No. No. On occasion one or both may say yes, then I ask them if they would like me to pray for anything particular, then I do or pray generally for each of us.

When they were younger we prayed more. Now we don't. The exercise for prayer, to me, was creating a reflective moment for each of them, and me. I was disappointed they didn't engage in it. Prayer is personal, and may also be private. I began to move on.

Then I asked them one night, out of the blue, to share their high point and low point of the day. They share the mundane aspects of their day with me, but sometimes their reflection speaks volumes. At first, I asked them to share, but I did not. Then I began to share since it didn't seem right to withhold.

The exercise has created moments of lightness. It has relieved stress. It has made me feel connected to my family and my life in a new and better way. I don't think I discovered anything new, but it helped me, so I am sharing. Today is too new, so my high point yesterday was seeing my kids awake before I left for work and my low point was having fits and starts engaging in work.

What was your high point? Low point?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I made four resolutions:
1. Be deliberate with my family and my self (patience)
2. Make a monthly goal (January: write a personal blog post each week (how silly of me))
3. Be self-conscious about weight and health
4. Read 12 books

I make them because they work. I have successes in reaching them. Each year, I make four resolutions, two new and two that build upon the last year. Goals three and four build upon last year. Why did I make these goals? I will explain, vaguely.

Resolution number one. This will be the hardest and the one I struggle with long after 2011 is over, so check in, I'll update you.

RN2. I'll explain more in a later post. In addition, I have already failed to meet RN2, but the overarching resolution I am excited about and look forward to making February's resolution.

RN3. I failed 2010's goal of losing twenty pounds. So this one is flexible because of that fact.

RN4. I did not meet my 2010 resolution of reading 12 books but was close, so I decided to try again.

I have a number of excuses and reasons I can share for not making two of last year's and discussing the futility of trying to meet some of this year's, but it isn't worth your time. I do want to spend some time on RN2, because I outwitted myself.

I read the following and it may have ruined me. "Abbot Pambo questioned Abbot Anthony saying: What ought I to do? And the elder replied, Have no confidence in your own virtuousness. Do not worry about a thing once it has been done. Control your tongue and belly." This is from The Wisdom of the Desert Fathers translated by Thomas Merton.

I have to come clean and I’m not sure how to do it. This blog was started because of a specific reason I haven’t shared. The problem is sometimes when I write this reason crops up and deters me from my general goal of writing for my own sense of whatever: gratification, catharsis, wants, desire… I thought my first of four posts this January would be a meditation from the translation because it neatly summarized my resolutions. It still does, but it is illuminating of my own “virtuousness” keeping this thing to myself.

After a particular point, you’ll say I’m being coy. If I share I can get on with it and write with abandon. If I don’t, I can maintain the dignity of the thing insofar as I’m not moving on and that is bad too. In the end it’s me, not the issue. Sharing it on the blog somehow is bigger than a conversation. I’ll lose control, and that is what I don’t want the most.

For now, ask me, I’ll tell you, maybe you already know and I’m just being me.